I've been a devotee of Apple products for a long time. My first computer was an Apple IIc in 1984. I've owned two PowerMacs, an eMac, a Gen4 iPod, and a Gen4 iPod mini. I currently own a MacBook, a MacBook Pro, two iPod Shuffles, and two iPhones. I've been mildly engaged in the Apple/PC wars over the years. Not militant, mind you, but ask my preference and I'll tell you. I've used PCs at work for years, but I've been paid to do so. When I'm paying for the experience I want an Apple. So, let's establish that I'm an Apple fan.
So, naturally, I was excited when I discovered our fair city was to be blessed with it's first true Apple Store. Until I'd actually been there a few times. Now that I've had the Apple Store experience I'm strangely conflicted about the whole thing. Now, it's not that this Apple Store isn't up to Apple's standards. As far as I can tell, the staff is incredibly well trained. I also think that's the problem.
An Apple Store staff is divided into classes, easily distinguished by the color of their t-shirts. There are three levels: orange for the Concierges; cyan for the Specialists; dark blue for the Geniuses. (ST:TOS, anyone? At least there are no expendible red shirts.) So, if you make it past an orange shirt, the cyan shirts will swarm you, but they dark blue shirts are kept safe behind their protective Genius Bar. You can't just walk in and look around. First the Concierge has to interrogate you as to the nature of your visit. If you make it past them, be assured a Specialist will check with you every 90-120 seconds to ensure you're still breathing and have a pulse. And don't try to approach a Genius without an appointment. This is apparently a high crime in an Apple Store. I had a relatively simple question about iTunes but was told by a Concierge that I had to make an appointment. Were any available? A quick check of the system reveals that, yes, we have an appointment open at 3:19 p.m. My watch read 3:18 p.m. at the time. Promptly 60 seconds later a fresh blue shirt emerged behind the Genius Bar to answer my simple question about iTunes libraries. So, it worked. But was all that really necessary?
Suppose you need to repair an Apple product. The backlight on my MacBook's backlit LCD screen has been intermittent of late. The screen was distinctly dark when I called.
Me: "Can I bring it in for someone to look at?"
Cyan Shirt: "Sure, just log onto the apple.com/retail site and make an appointment."
Me: "And how do I do that when my MacBook has no display screen?"
"Oh, silly me." said the cyan shirt on the phone. And then she was stumped. Really.
So my MacBook is being repaired at the local authorized Apple retailer that's been in town for decades. I walked straight back to the service counter where a wry gentleman named Willie took great care of me. And I didn't have to dodge a single orange t-shirt to get there.
I know Apple is trying to provide a great experience. And yet, somehow, it just gets in the way. Because when it's over I feel as if I've interacted with a highly sophisticated system. And all I really wanted was to talk to someone.
Back in the Day: My 12 Olympics, Ranked
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